When a Man Cooks for a Woman

The familiar adage “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” may have one ingredient wrong: gender. While many a guy has certainly been snagged by the culinary talents of a pretty date, the reality is women are much more impressed when a guy cooks for them. Why? It has nothing to do with the quality of food but everything to do with acts of service. The bottom line is women don’t expect men to cook.

“During the dating game, if a man offers to fix dinner, it can be a point of differentiation,” says author and sociologist Liz Elliott. “Guys gravitate to the receiving end on things like cooking, cleaning and socializing. They’re content to let the primary woman in their life manage these functions. Preparing a meal means he’s willing to take on all three. That can be very attractive, if it’s genuine.”

And it certainly can be genuine: a lot of guys really like to cook. Britain’s popular online magazine “Daily Mail” recently coined the phrase “gastrosexuals” to replace “foodies,” specifically to describe men who consider cooking more of a hobby than a chore. A quick remote control cruise through the lineup on Food TV reveals a plethora of successful guys who cook, not only on a barbecue grill.

Men tend to approach cooking competitively. Women are more likely to describe themselves as ‘simple cooks’ who know the basics. Men are more likely to try elaborate, international dishes and to describe their cooking as ‘gourmet.’

“There’s an element of status when a man cooks, as evidenced by the popularity of professional chefs,” says Elliott. “When a man cooks, he’s a chef. When a woman cooks, she’s a cook.
For new relationships, the important thing to understand is if this is truly an act of love and service and a genuine interest in cooking. Is it sustainable? Or, is it smoke and mirrors with a particular dessert in mind?

“For families, we’ve seen a shift in sharing responsibilities,” says Elliott. “But the reality is men are not doing the cooking as much as they are helping be a parent, playing with the kids or directing recreational activities. Even in homes where both parents work, research does not indicate that men are doing the meal planning or grocery shopping.”

Boyfriends wanting to stir a girlfriend’s emotions or husbands wanting to electrify their marriage would do well to make acts of service – like cooking – truly authentic. “Offer to grocery shop or clear the table and wash the dishes,” says Elliott.

So what if you really like the creative aspect of preparing a meal, but you’re new to cooking and your mother wasn’t a Cordon Bleu graduate who taught you everything she knows? The key to success is to, “start simple,” says professional chef Clayton Sherrod, “with an uncomplicated menu. Roasted meats – chicken, pork or beef – make an ideal entree because they go in an oven hours before the meal, fill the home with a wonderful aroma then require little effort to serve.”
For a balanced meal, you only need two accompaniments: a starch (like rice, pasta or potatoes) and a vegetable (like green beans or a salad). “Use your vegetable to add color,” says Sherrod, who started cooking in the kitchen of a country club where he worked as a golf caddy. “A meal should involve all the senses: taste, touch, smell, sight and even sounds,” says Sherrod. “Make the other details easy on yourself. Bread and dessert can be bought ready-to-serve at a grocery store, as simple as a French loaf and a bowl of ice cream.”

Whatever you do, keep the kitchen tidy (or off limits) and never expect your date to help clean up. “Talk about spoiling the mood,” says Sherrod. “She might as well go home and do laundry if you ask her to help scrape the pans.”

5 Key Ingredients for the Rookie Chef:
· Know your date’s or mate’s preferences and allergies (nothing ruins a meal like a surprise trip to the emergency room). If you don’t know, ask.
· Keep the menu simple: one snack for an appetizer, a roasted meat, a starch, a vegetable or salad, bread and dessert.
· If she asks to help, let her, but no dirty jobs. Let her pour the wine or light the candles. Her only assignment after the meal is to relax (you carry her plate back to the kitchen).
· Don’t let details of cooking or serving destroy the main course: great dinner conversation. Ask her about favorite restaurants or family food traditions. For your chance of success, this is more important than salt.
· Have a backup plan. If something catches on fire, know where the fire extinguisher is. Have a frozen pizza just in case. By all means, if something does disintegrate at the last minute, laugh about it.

“Nothing would be more tiresome than eating or drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.” Voltaire